Real Madrid 4-0 Tottenham Hotspur
Inter Milan 2-5 Schalke 04
Chelsea 0-1 Manchester United
Barcelona 5-1 Shakhtar Donetsk
The first legs of the UEFA Champions League quarter-finals are in the books, and it has been an eventful two days in England, Italy, and Spain. The biggest talking point of the fixtures is Schalke’s demolition of Inter in what was undoubtedly the biggest surprise of all the results. The club from Gelsenkirchen didn’t simply beat Inter Milan at the San Siro, they overcame a world-class strike from Dejan Stankovic only 25 seconds into the match and dominated the second half en route to an historic victory.
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| Schalke celebrate their monumental victory in Milan. Image Credit: Valerio Pennecino/Getty Images Europe http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/PNqI-RKZ94W/Inter+Milan+v+Schalke+04+UEFA+Champions+League/-zyNQSUUCMy |
Jose Manuel Jurado was once again the key man for Schalke. Just as he did in the Round of 16 against Valencia, the 24 year-old Spaniard (capped 47 total times at various youth levels) controlled the ebb and flow of the game with composed possession and timely and creative passing from the midfield.
The performance that was as surprising as the result, however, was that of 29 year-old Brazilian striker Edu. In the lineup thanks to injuries, and having not scored since November 13th against Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga, Edu simply outworked the Inter back line for his first goal. His second was a moment of class that would have made the world’s best strikers proud. A simple turn on the first touch and a left-footed rocket on the second rounded out the scoring for the evening and put Inter into quite the predicament. The Champions League holders are now facing the tall task of winning by four goals in Germany if they are to see themselves through to the semi-finals.
The other result that stood out was Tottenham’s implosion in Madrid. It has to be said that Real Madrid outmatch Spurs at just about every position, however it wasn’t just the quality of the players on the pitch that made the difference, but also the decision making of Peter Crouch and Harry Redknapp. Crouchie must’ve been impressed by Wayne Rooney’s 15-minute hat-trick over the weekend, as he went and got a 15 minute brace of his own. Unfortunately for Peter and Spurs it was a double in yellow cards instead of goals, and Droopy Dog’s men found themselves in the unenviable position of being a man down and trailing 1-0 against the Galacticos at the Santiago Bernabeu.
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| Resemblance? |
At this point a 1-0 defeat would’ve seemed like a result that Harry would have been willing to accept going into the return leg at White Hart Lane, even considering his team’s recent struggles in finding the net. Instead, however, Redknapp decided to take off Rafael van der Vaart in favor of Jermaine Defoe at half time. This attack-minded replacement could not conceivably have backfired much worse. Spurs were ineffective in possession in the second half, and the floodgates opened as they conceded three more en route to building an insurmountable deficit to overcome in the second leg. If Spurs are able to somehow win this tie with five goals in the second leg, they may want to take a page out of Fulham's book and erect a statue of Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, for they truly will have proven that no mountain is high enough to keep them from London’s first European Cup.
Elsewhere, Barcelona ran riot over Shakhtar with five different goal-scorers (Andres Iniesta, Dani Alves, Gerard Pique, Seydou Keita, and Xavi in chronological order), and Fernando Torres once again proved himself useless as Chelsea fell to a well behaved Wayne Rooney and Manchester United at Stamford Bridge. Barcelona will be pleased with the cushion that they will now bring with them to Donetsk where Shakhtar are virtually unbeatable, and Chelsea are left with the unsavory task of overturning their deficit at Old Trafford. These were two decent games of football, but they simply didn’t stack up to the excitement of Schalke’s victory or the entertainment value of Spurs’ humiliation (particularly for Arsenal fans considering Emmanuel Adebayor’s double). Barcelona employed the beautiful and methodical game of football we have come to expect from the world’s best club side, but in all honesty the final score line was not that surprising.
Better Than Mourinho?
On an unrelated note to this week’s Champions League action, and at the risk of letting my inner video game nerd out of the closet, I am proud to announce that by some ludicrous application of the transitive property I am a better manager than the Special One himself, Jose Mourinho.
Here’s my logic: Sporting Gijon shocked the footballing world on Saturday by walking out of the Bernabeu victorious, having defeated Real 1-0 via a goal from Miguel De las Cuevas. This ended a 150 game run of league matches in which Jose Mourinho’s teams were unbeaten at home. That’s over a span of nine years and four clubs. Consequently, this weekend my Valencia side took on Sporting at El Molinon in the 2013-14 season of my Football Manager 2011 game and emerged victorious by a five-goal margin. £7 million summer signing Alberto Paloschi (from AC Milan) led the way for Los Che with a brace and Joaquin, Manuel Fernandes, and Angel Dealbert each added a goal. In fact, my team’s performance was so dominant that no less than eight of Valencia’s outfield players were selected in La Liga’s team of the week.
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| Accomplishing what Jose Mourinho could not. |
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| A team performance for the ages. |
Obviously there is some discrepancy in the conditions under which the two games were played (time, weather, reality, etc.), however, the fact cannot be denied that this weekend I achieved a feat that Jose Mourinho could not. I am currently unemployed (perhaps a result of too much Football Manager 2011?) and will consider any managerial positions offering a salary upwards of £5.2 million, which is what Jose was bringing in during his time at Chelsea. Clubs should contact me via email or phone, and have a signing bonus ready as I’m looking to secure some quick cash to be able to catch the Chicago Bulls in the NBA Playoffs in the near future.
